Dry Tues & Wed

Somehow have not had time to update the past couple of days, must be all the appointments, new gym regime and maybe the good weather.

Back to see CBT nurse tuesday, seemed a little more sympathetic but still very keen to get me to the heavy counselling ASAP. She rang to ask and appointment is 16 weeks away. Conclusion today seemed to be keep on with more of the same, no alcohol although wine with meals on holiday got the nod, perhaps consider increased the anti depressants dose and that all my aches and pains are due to stress.

When I described the joint pains as "people sticking needles into me" the hallucinations/ schizo alarm visibly went off with her immediatly asking me who is sticking pins in me so I had to explain that is merely my description of the pains in my joints. Wonder what she would make of my T-Shirt of pain? A hair shirt perhaps???

I have signed up at the Ladies only gym and am confident that it is a good move. I feel much more at ease there and all classes are included in the monthly fee so it works out cheaper than the council gym & classes.

Have to go and choose some glasses today, my left eye is very short sigted. Hope they will help me line up the printer.

Hayfever is full on, had to buy anti-histamine eye drops, instant relief from swelling, running and pain.

Have kept to low carb - sweats and fibro pains are improving although feel 99% knackered.

Met P after gym/ work yesterday, he was obviously gagging for a pint so suggested it and went to Flea pit - blackcurrant for me - found it difficult that he seemed to want to stay longer than me especially after he accused me of being sarcastic when I tried to thank him for his support which had made possible a good day for me yesterday. Fair bit of "edge" wafting off him.

Our dentist really let himself down badly with his comments about the stains on my teeth having been there for years so the hygenist shouldn't be too bothered about them. To me that sums up the attitude of many in the health service.

Research: Treating depression may not necessarily alleviate chronic pain

Clinical Psychiatry News: "Researchers recommend treating pain and depression independently after finding that the sensory regions of the brain associated with pain are only weakly correlated with the emotional brain regions linked to depression.

Reporting in the journal Arthritis and Rheumatism, Thorsten Giesecke (University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, USA) and colleagues say that their findings indicate that treating an individual's depression by prescribing an antidepressant medication that has no analgesic properties 'will not necessarily have an impact on the sensory dimension of pain...'

..the researchers interviewed 53 patients with fibromyalgia, a condition characterized by widespread pain and tenderness to touch, along with 42 healthy individuals, about the severity of their chronic pain and depressive symptoms.

In addition, both the fibromyalgia patients and controls participated in a pressure-pain sensitivity test, during which pressure was applied to the thumbnail.... significantly less pressure was needed to cause acute pain in the patients with fibromyalgia than was needed for controls. However, the investigators found that this heightened sensitivity to pain was unaffected by the extent of depressive symptoms or the presence of comorbid major depressive disorder.

Magnetic resonance imaging scans carried out before, during, and after the pressure-sensitivity tests showed that, while symptoms of depression and comorbid major depressive disorder were associated with the magnitude of pain-evoked neuronal activations in brain regions associated with emotional pain processing, they were not linked to the sensory aspects of pain processing, such as where the pain is and its intensity.

"It appears as though there are different and easily distinguished sensory and affective elements to each individual's pain experience," says the team. "There are strong data suggesting that these elements are somewhat independent of one another and respond differentially to both pharmacologic and nonpharmacologic interventions." "

Monday,Monday

Still zero alcohol...

Quiet day, still ache all over and needles being continually inserted into various joints plus a heavy foggy head. Mixed up writing is still evident..the thought of words - or numbers - I want to write are in my head but come out of the pen scrambled, way weird...

Anyway, menu today...low income becoming evident.

Eggs, scrambled with tomato
Pear & nuts
Cold chicken & salad.

Sunday, still dry

And that's not the weather which has thrown hail and thunder at us the past couple of days, but me. Achieved despite still feeling grim - low mood, uptight and pointless plus all the usual aches and pains. Knees are particularly exquisite this morning if you go for that sort of thing. Going upstairs is a chore but should feel better as the day goes by. Best time by far seems to be evenings for both mood and physical stuff...

However I took both co-prox and diclofenic at bedtime ...11 pm-ish, and fingers crossed, they seemed to help me sleep better, nightmares woke me and toilet trips but not pain or sweats so I will repeat tonight and hope

Seems I find the no booze far, far easier than does P, on his mind constantly although he has really made an effort the past couple of days.

Knackered all day, early night - 9pm

Menu

Zero alcohol
UK tea...
Blackcurrant & soda X 3 at Green Tree

Mushrooms and rye toast for breakfast

Roast chicken, stuffing, cabbage, peas and 2 small new potatoes

It's Saturday

4.30pm and just got round to starting this entry cos still fell like crap despite no alcohol since last Sunday.

Someone somewhere must have my voodoo doll out and is sticking long hot needles into my elbows, neck and wrists. They are also stretching and twanging rubber bands up my forearms. My pelvis is still stiff and I waddle untill they loosen up.

Mood is pretty snappy and low...easily weepy.

Had a poor nights sleep last night, went to bed ~ 11pm after P got back from H's and started waking waking regularly from midnight on, gave up and got up and 5.30 am, no way could I have got back to sleep but can feel the different depth of tiredness today.

P went to town for bits of shopping so have had v quiet day, were hoping to go for a walk but weather has turned stormy. Good news is that he offerred to buy himself soft drinks for his lunch hour to try to knock pints on the head. No real prompting from me for that one...

Menu

English brekkie....organic sausage, tinned toms, bacon and egg.

Finished cauli cheese for lunch....

Not hungry later when made dinner for P so had a couple of pears and handful of nuts. Maybe too much cauli as guts were rolling and gurgling alarmingly but mebeverine seems to be keeping irritable bowel symptoms to a minimum number of dashes a day.

Dentists day

P is off with me today for a trip to the Dentists. He is still saying that he is up for no booze for at least this weekend....

Good news is I slept much better last night only waking a couple of times - needed toilet - and also because of bad dreams. Bad news still feel like shite, knackered, achey and dis-cordinated.

Definite problems navigating the pavement traffic yesterday on top of dyslexic writing stuff (numbers and words) wrong words coming out my mouth or not finding words I want to say, eg names of people I know well...clumsiness and return of slight incontinence.

Looked at glasses as P needs new pair, made appt for me as I am overdue and also still worry about blurred vision and the visual disturbances Dr B thinks are visual migraines...buggers sto me doing anything much although it is a bonus that I no longer get pain and sickness with migraines...although have had a sub-migraine headache now for what feels like months but is probably only a few weeks...plus ca change...

Did finally ring my mother after putting it off cos of S not wanting her to know and give her hard time about breaak up...also finally told her I am off work and about meds change and upcoming therapy. Got the usual "lets hope they find out what is wrong with you....end for now.

Todays Menu

No alcohol

Spinach & garlic omelette for breakfast

Americano coffee & cantucinni biscuit at The Cafe

Cauliflower cheese ( soya spread for fat. soya milk, non dairy parmesan cheese.)

Pear & nuts
Tea, herb teas, water...painkillers (co-prox) for headache, joint and muscle pains.

A few months, weeks , days on

Not sure how long I have been signed off now...was hoping to feel at least a bit better by now but it doesn't seem to be the case. Sleep seems to have improved a little but patchy, night before last was abysmal, had to get up 'cos legs had "gone" and was tossing and turning then later was waking every hour and fully awake from 4am...

The "dyslexic" hand writing is still evident ...I know what I want to write but the letters of the words come out garbled or order of numbers, am having some trouble finding words again and the odd ones are also garbled when I talk... which isnt often given my isolated life.

Second visit (v quick because bus was v late) with Mrs B the CBT specialist Tuesday at the surgery... the emphasis was full on getting me to go to alcohol counselling with the underlying message that "everything" is linked to my drinking too much...she seemed to think that I met Pete for an alcoholic drink every lunch time. Truth is we maybe meet once a fortnight at lunch and I have soft drinks, blackcurrant or coffee sometimes if I can get him to go the The Cafe with me.

Weekends are my weak point. As we almost always fail to plan to do anything different we drift into "let's have just one" when out shopping and after a couple I want a couple more... physically however about 8 units max and off home to sleep for me nowadays so I am not able to drink to the excesses of my youth...

Right now (Thurs) I have had no alcohol since Sunday and feel like shite...full on muscle aches, sweats, headache, bone tired etc etc.Cold turkey symptoms or?????

Anyway, I have promised myself and told P that I intend to stay sober till next appointment next Tuesday, ie no alcohol at all. As always he said yeah, I'm with you on that....

Menu Del Dia

Alcohol: Zero

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with asparagus & smoked salmon
Lunch: Pear...
Dinner: pan fried chicken (olive oil) with garlic, lardons and fresh herbs with steamed asparagus & 2 small new potatoes, stawberries & mixed berries with dairy free iced dessert
About 5 cups of tea, 1 americano coffee at the Cafe, 2 glasses blackcurrent & soda when wen to see Zoe. Lots of filtered water also.

All change: test results & new meds

Headline news has to be that one of my blood tests - blood count ...aka stcky red blood cells whatsts - showed some improvment according to Dr B, though exactly what that means I do not have a clue. Alas the liver enzyme result showed no change BUT I have to admit to not being able to cut my alcohol intake as muchas intended....anyaway onwards as there have been other changes that may prove majorly major in the long term.

Sub-headline news being that amongst other changes (details to follow) I am to start some heavyweight counselling for my long standing issues mainly re relationship with mother and still visceral reaction to Uncle John's abuse of Susie...updates to follow. This arose from a session with CBT specialist as part of new attempts by NHS and our surgery in particular to provide better care for long term mental health patients.

The initial session was pretty gruelling but that is to be expected I suppose. Until I get appointment for full on stuff I am to see the CBT lady which is OK by me and return to see GP in one month for sick note and to review new meds mentioned. The change was sanctioned by the Psychiatrist now attached to the surgery who also suggested I keep an alcohol diary...

Anti depressents now are 30mg Mirtazapine, seem to already be sleeping a bit better but have developed slight incontinence..more dreams and headaches. Early days though and am hopeful although sure it is going to be rocky road...again.

Have been off work something like 2 months now ( time memory as hazy as ever) and still feel knackered, maybe better weather will give some lift. I have been v remiss about the gym but the last month seems to have been spent waiting for various forms of workmen for the bathroom and kitchen which are still half done, only three months behind schedule but at least I am here I suppose.

UK eHealth Association

UK eHealth Association News camapaigner for effective use of technology for health

Fibromyalgia research links

MedlinePlus: Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgis info sheet

Info for Doctors re fibro

UKFibromyalgia website

UKFibromyalgia news and research. Some usefull information and links about fibromyalgia. Charges for phoning to listen to answers to common questions at 50p per minute, lasting about 5 mins seems to me to be blatent exploitation of sufferers...

Disability and sex: You Have an Rx for That Vibrator?

Wired News

Covers the Alabama laws making vibrators illegal as intro to the problems peopel with various disabilities have re sex....anyone else with fibromyalgia find low libido a problem? The story about tendonitis brought back memories of painful frigs before the injection in my shoulder...

: "Dr. Mitch Tepper, founder of SexualHealth.com, has long been an advocate of sexual rights for people with disabilities. Now he's spearheading a project to develop an interactive sexual health resource for people with mobility impairments like spinal cord injuries, multiple sclerosis and cerebral palsy."

gone to pot English Sayings

Ye Olde English Sayings

Just something I have been pndering....: "gone to pot - Time eventually wears everything down. For example, once great downtown department stores declined, went to pot and were replaced by suburban malls. If you've ever gone to a high school reunion, you know how just a few years, a few pounds, and a few gray hairs can make old classmates look like they've gone to pot, too. But why the pot? Is something cooking? Whatever counter-culture references the phrase may bring to mind, it actually is about the kitchen. In the Middle Ages, table scraps ended up in a big pot for stew. Once the centerpiece of a big meal, main courses were demoted to leftovers. Eventually 'going to pot', meaning going downhill, would be applied to anything, even the guy who sat behind you in homeroom years ago. Source: BREWER'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASE AND FABLE"

National Fibromyalgia Partnership

National Fibromyalgia Partnership

"NFP is the largest non-profit, membership organization for fibromyalgia (FM) in the United States. Based in the Washington, DC, area, it provides medically accurate information on FM to individuals with fibromyalgia and their families, health care professionals, and the general public "

My Fibromyalgia Experiences - About Fibromyalgia and Treatments

Sounds sooo familiar although my personal, preferred diagnosis would be Lupus (SLE) mainly due to the rashes I get...: My Fibromyalgia Experiences - About Fibromyalgia and Treatments: " was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), a sleep disorder, and chronic headaches (the latter of which I, of course, already knew I had, and I suspected the rest, also) in May 1998"

Managing fibromyalgia

Discovery Health :: fibromyalgia

The entry concludes that: "Self-monitoring of fibromyalgia symptoms is important. People can document the severity of pain, fatigue, stiffness, and mood in a daily log. This information can help in treatment plans. Any new or worsening symptoms should be reported to the healthcare provider."

Apologies to Discovery - they list Lupus under SLE: Discovery Health :: systemic lupus erythematosus

Treating fibromyalgia

Discovery Health :: fibromyalgia

Treatments listed include:

· acupuncture
· aerobic exercises
· antidepressants
· biofeedback
· chiropractic treatments
· heat or cold treatments
· hypnosis
· injections of local anesthesia medications or corticosteroids into tender points
· massage therapy
· occupational therapy
· stretching and range of motion exercises

Of the above I have been on antidepressants since 1991, have had injections, OT, pain killers, hot and cold, massage plus antispasmodics ( mebeverine) for irritable bowel plus a range of other medications to try to control symptoms.

Today I have an appointment with my GP to discuss a recent abdomen scan to try to identify the cause of the episodes acute pain in mid torso - mainly bottom right of rib cage. Dr thought this may have been gall stones but the technician said she could see non, nor could she identify any obvious cause of the pain. Must say that a scan has never hurt as much as that one!

Will update later today but we are both very concerned that it could be problems from my years of drimking too much alcohol - the one thing that could numb my pain - both physical and mental for at least a short while especially if almost comatose.

Diseases and Conditions :: A to B

Discovery Health

Has no entry for Lupus, on fibro it states "Fibromyalgia is a poorly understood condition that causes multiple tender points, called trigger points, in the muscles and soft tissues of the body. People who have fibromyalgia have chronic, widespread pain and stiffness in the muscles. Fatigue is a key factor in fibromyalgia....

People with fibromyalgia experience muscle pain and stiffness, especially in the morning. The pain is worse in the morning and worsens again at night. Other symptoms are as follows: · abdominal distress with constipation or diarrhea · depression · difficulty concentrating · fatigue, which is probably caused by disrupted sleep · headaches · tingling of the skin that involves numbness or burning...


No one knows for sure what causes fibromyalgia, but there are several theories:

· autoimmune disorders, or a condition in which the body creates antibodies against its own tissues
· endocrine abnormalities, which are problems with various glands in the body
· biochemical abnormalities in the central nervous system
· impaired blood flow to the brain
· stress
· mechanical stresses to the cervical and lumbar spine
· history of abuse as a child


Also of especial interest to me "autoimmune disorders may be triggered by a transfer of cells between the fetus and the mother during pregnancy" - maybe mothers toxaemia theory has something to it...

Monday wisdom from Barefoot

Now his Observer column is no more I have to make do with snippets like these....

Barefoot Dr: What's the Best Way to Erase Painful Memories?

Barefoot Doctor: "Short of a lobotomy, there is no way to erase memories. Some people claim to be able to do it with hypnosis but if that's true it would be dangerous.

Painful memories need sitting with, accepting and forgiving until they no longer make you feel hurt. Erasing or suppressing them only makes the pain go underground and work its way to the surface again in a more insidious and harmful fashion until you agree to open your heart and forgive yourself, or whoever or whatever caused you the pain initially. That's what you call healing yourself."

I certainly have issues in this area!